Drunken thoughts on being alone

Holy shit….

I’m single,

Finally, by myself once again

Honestly, it’s amazing!

I found myself unhappy during this relationship..

Why?

I was no where near ready for one.

I honestly let the things he said crawl into my head and convince me that I could try and see how things would go.

I just wanted to be alone.

Be alone, focus on me, my son, our life

I enjoy being alone,

I don’t have someone up my ass 24/7

Telling me what I can and can’t do.

I feel free.

Honestly, my relationship before that,

Just really fucked with my head,

The fear of someone appearing into my life and my sons life,

And out of nowhere just fades away…scares me..

It’s better this way, to wait, to focus on myself and my son,

I can do better,

I can find better,

Someone who will want to be with me and my son,

Love both of us,

As of right now though?

It’s me and my son against the world.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

Decisions..

Good evening! Ugh, I know, I know, it’s been a minute. I’ve just had a lot of shit going on and just honestly didn’t have the time or space to actually write a blog. Well here I am, sick and decided to write a blog. My dad is distracting a Vinnie for me for a little bit.

So what decisions did I have to make? Well I ended that relationship, moved out ASAP, and moved back in with my dad. Why did I decided to breakup with what’s his face? Well because, I’m just not ready. I’m not ready to commit to someone, I knew I wasn’t. I still tried though because he begged me to try and that trying was better than not trying at all.

I honestly should’ve just stayed on my own from the get go, because I was more than sure that I would end it. We’re still friends, but he had pissed me off to the point of, I’m not sure if I should be his friend. It is what it is though.

I moved out right away because well he started an argument and it just full blown pissed me off and I was like, “I’m done with this bull shit.” I texted my dads landlord and we arranged me to move back in. So right away after one day, I was out, I still have to get some stuff, but it’s not much.

So, currently, I am back with my dad, and saving up money for 8 months and then I’ll have to find my own place. What sucks though is that my paycheck with as many bills as I have will be hard to save up. I already struggle enough. I know I can do it though. It’ll be tough, but I gotta get it together for me and my son.

What do I plan to do once I’m moved out in my own place? Stay single as fuck, focus on myself, focus on my child, and get some stuff done in the making.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

I’m not ready…

I’m not ready to be committed into a relationship.

I can’t seem to get myself 100% interested into someone.

I’m not fully myself just yet.

Honestly, I’m not sure when I will be myself.

I can’t give my all to someone.

It could be months, or even years.

I catch myself interested, but not fully able to give myself to someone.

Not just yet.

I have too much going on.

I feel the need to focus on me and my son.

The stress I deal with on a daily eats me alive and I just can’t be myself.

I shut down, I hide how I’m feeling or what I’m even dealing with.

I drink on my week alone.

Alone at home.

With only my thoughts, overthinking everything.

I’m just not ready.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

Do you ever find yourself..

Thinking? Thinking about just anything and everything? Wondering what things would be like if you had done something different? Or would’ve taken that next step? What about moving? Moving far away and getting away from everything and everyone? Questioning all the what if’s, and what could I have done differently?

Shutting down? Shutting down from people and your family? Crying almost every night with absolutely no one to talk too. Whether it’s a relationship or just personal issues? Shutting down from starting a new relationship because you know you’re not ready, and the thought of being dumped because of having a kid is embedded into your head now.

Feeling alone? When all you need is someone to talk too. Yet, when you do talk even just a little bit it doesn’t seem to help. So you still feel like you’re alone or you’re not getting the advice you need or maybe just possibly want to hear.

Moving forward? Trying your hardest to move forward but you’re stuck. You’re stuck with just certain things, things that still need time. People question it, push and rush you. They don’t understand why you can’t just move forward so fast or even too fast. So you just stop and take your time. You’ve reached a point where you have slowly, but surely moved forward.

Stuck? Stuck in this unlucky situation. You keep your head up and try to stay positive. One thing after another happens and you just finally take in all that negativity. You let it take over you, to the point that you find yourself in this mood, a mood that you can’t get yourself out of. You carry a false smile just so people won’t question you. When in all reality you know that you feel stuck.

Questioning love? Questioning if you’ll ever find love. True love? Does it even exist anymore? Or is it just in fairytales? You have all the love for your son/daughter and family, but you can’t seem to find someone who truly loves you. You don’t have that connection with someone special. You want to feel that love with someone, something different than loving family. Yet, you question if you’ll ever be able to open up to love again.

Thanks for reading.❤️

Do I want to pursue being a Dental Assistant?

Hello, to all my lovely readers. Today I just wanted to talk about if I want to pursue being a dental assistant. I took the dental Assistant course and of course I graduated back in April. It’s a very short program, and you learn so much in so little time. You also get a little bit of hands on action as well. Not too much though. Mostly, you’re just in a class reading the textbook and taking tests.

My question to myself now though is, “do I really want to pursue being a dental assistant?” It’s like I do, but I don’t at this point. Does that make sense? Around where I live there is always opportunities for dental assistant. The thing though is that most places want someone who is already experienced!

Experience? Like seriously? I can’t be experienced without actually working in a dental office. I do understand the whole,”we want experienced people only.” I almost feel like though that I wasted my time and money on the course. I even interviews with a dental office and the guy says,”we usually want people with experience, not that I won’t take someone new.” It’s like why did you even interview me?

They tell you don’t give up, you’ll find a place to work at eventually. Which it does take time. It’s aggravating that most places only want experienced though. So at this point do I keep trying or try and pursue something new?

I’ve spent my time thinking about what to do. I have decided to keep trying, I mean hell I went to school for it, might as well keep trying. While I try though, I’ll keep working other jobs and I’ve decided to keep up with my blog! For about a year I did not post, things were hard and I was obviously distracted by my relationship.

As of now, I’m focused on making this blog bigger and better. As well as search for a dental assistant job. Let’s see how this goes. It’s been tough, but there has been positives. Whether I do find a dental job or I end up pursuing something else at least I tried.

I hope you guys continue to like my blogs and follow! It truly means a lot to me, my blog has grown within almost two months. I couldn’t be happier about it. Seriously 😊

Thanks for reading.❤️

Cloudy day thoughts

Ugh, I need coffee.

Man, I can’t believe the luck I’ve been having lately.

There’s been ups and there’s been downs.

This coffee hits just the spot.

Let’s watch some YouTube to start my day.

Oh, shit, I skipped a video, better watch that.

I’ll do the dishes later, gotta get ready fast.

Busy day today.

Try to stay positive.

Ugh, I’m tired already.

Running errands all day kind of blows.

What do I think of all that is happening right now?

I guess it’s a good thing he ended it with me…

I have way too much going on anyway.

What happened to, “I’m not going to leave you because you’re dealing with personal things, huh?”

Salty.

How can I trust a friend, with the betrayal that I feel?

Maybe it’s time to just shut down from people for awhile.

I’ve never relied on a friend, until I needed it the most…

Smack to the face.

More salty.

I have to keep my head up.

It’s what I have to do.

I will not give up.

Thanks for reading. 💙

Coffee talk: Trying to find myself

Good morning, or good afternoon to all my lovely readers! I’m just sitting here drinking my second cup of coffee and thought, “hmm, maybe I should write a little blog.” So here I am. As you all know, I’ve been going through a breakup. This is the first time ever, where I’m not handling it too well. I went on a little me vacation during the weekend to just get away and think. Maybe even cry just a little. Even my friends are like, ” what the hell?, this isn’t you.” It really isn’t me. This has been hard. And I’ve honestly not been myself. Lately, all I can think about is well, the breakup but also trying to find out who I am, and what am I going to do with my life?. It’s almost like I’ve realized that I need a change and that I need to be more focused on other things. I have way too much going on, let’s be honest. Trust me, I won’t be over this break up anytime soon, I wake up through out the night thinking about it, and I even wake up and it’s the first thing on my mind. I’ve needed distractions in order to not think about it. So I’ve come to thinking that it’s time to think about me for once, and of course I’m always thinking about my son, he’s my life. But it’s time that I focus on my career and what am I doing with my life. This journey for me is only the beginning. It will get better, and all I can do is keep my head up, and move forward.

Thanks for reading. ❤️