Anxiety

You ever just sit alone.

And you start to think?

Think about anything and everything?

It consumes you and you have no control over it..

You try to push all those thoughts back, but they just won’t go away.

It eats away at you.

You feel emotional.

Sad.

On the verge of crying.

You force yourself to stop though.

The emotions you’re feeling are pointless.

There’s no need.

But you still let it eat away at you.

Sometimes I get real in my head. This is an unfinished blog that I had started a couple months ago. I never finished. I still get in my head so bad. I hate it. I have trouble trying to talk myself out of bad thoughts. Sometimes I end up crying from how bad my thoughts are. One day someone said it sounds like you deal with anxiety. I hadn’t heard someone tell me I had anxiety since I was in 8th grade. The minute I realized it I stopped the thoughts.

But, I have my days still. It hasn’t been as bad, but I still have those days.

Hope you enjoyed reading this. ❤️

Cloudy day thoughts

Ugh, I need coffee.

Man, I can’t believe the luck I’ve been having lately.

There’s been ups and there’s been downs.

This coffee hits just the spot.

Let’s watch some YouTube to start my day.

Oh, shit, I skipped a video, better watch that.

I’ll do the dishes later, gotta get ready fast.

Busy day today.

Try to stay positive.

Ugh, I’m tired already.

Running errands all day kind of blows.

What do I think of all that is happening right now?

I guess it’s a good thing he ended it with me…

I have way too much going on anyway.

What happened to, “I’m not going to leave you because you’re dealing with personal things, huh?”

Salty.

How can I trust a friend, with the betrayal that I feel?

Maybe it’s time to just shut down from people for awhile.

I’ve never relied on a friend, until I needed it the most…

Smack to the face.

More salty.

I have to keep my head up.

It’s what I have to do.

I will not give up.

Thanks for reading. 💙

My world is falling apart….rant

My bitmoji is giving me anime feels….❤️

What the fuck!

If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

It doesn’t matter if I’m positive or negative about the whole situation.

For once I tried to stay positive and yet everything came crashing down at once!

It’s literally been all downhill since April.

First, I lose my boyfriend, well I got dumped,

Second, I lose my job not even a fucking week later,

Third dealing with personal bull shit,

Fourth, well wow, no fucking money because all the money I did have has gone to bills,

Fifth…you get told it’s okay, you’ll have a place to still live, well wrong-o.

Best friend decides to kick me out.

But yet, I do literally EVERYTHING around the house.

What kind of bull shit is that?!?

You think I just sit on my ass all day?

You think I like struggling?

You think I would use you?

Do you realize how many times I’ve had the shit end of the stick?

Do you?

I don’t hate you, but I don’t trust you.

Because how you’re doing me, isn’t how I would do you…

No matter how nice I am, I seriously always get the shit end of the stick. No joke. I always try to be a good person towards everyone. I, for once, was trying to stay positive instead of being negative. Well, even though I’ve been positive I still had everything come at me at once. Honestly, I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m stressed. Life is hard, but it will get better. I keep saying that. Well shit, I’m ready for it to better already. The only thing that keeps me going is my son. He keeps me smiling, he keeps me moving forward. I want him to be happy. Let me just state that this house is paid off, and I literally got a job within 3 weeks. Sadly, I’ve been doing paperwork for two weeks, and finally start well tomorrow. I feel like there’s more to this story. I’m very blunt and to the point with shit. While she hides away her thoughts and feelings. People, don’t hide your feelings or whatever. Just fucking talk it out. It’s better to talk and be honest than to hide away and tell your dad bullshit. Telling you, this ranting blog is true. I feel like even though I told him how it has been, he will of course take his daughters side. Which is very understandable. I don’t blame him. But, where is the fairness for me? I have a lot to think about.

Enjoy this tantrum blog and hell tell me if you ever dealt with something like this. ❤️