New hair & dramatic makeup

Good evening! Here’s a blog on what I did today! I got my hair done by my girl Stephanie! I went a lighter brown because I’m real tired of my dark black/brown hair which is my natural. After we got done we went out to eat and shop. Later, I went home and curled my hair and did a very dramatic makeup look which I am very proud of! Enjoy guys! ❤️ Oh, and did you notice that I got to drive my boyfriends Jeep? Oh yeah!

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Sometimes,

I get into my head real bad.

My mood completely changes.

I, as a person change.

I say who I truly am, but,

when I overthink and stress,

I’m not who I say I am.

No one seems to really understand that.

I can’t help it.

Even when I try to fight it, it only seems to make it worse.

I shut down.

I build walls all around me to try and block everyone out.

It’s hard though.

When someone is around, and you have to try to pretend like you’re okay, when in all honesty, you’re stressed, overthinking, and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I try so hard to hide it and keep to myself.

But, damn..when I do it, I end up flipping or getting emotional.

I let everything build up and or get to me that it changes me.

I’m not me.

This is unfinished. I’ve been so tired and busy lately that I just haven’t had the time to focus on writing. Soon though I’ll get back at it. ❤️

Just peeking in…

Just peeking in to say hello! And Merry belated Christmas!

I will be posting a picture/video blog of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!

Oh, today I put my two weeks in at my current job, well… more like my one week.

January 6th, will be my start date if my new job. I’m ungodly nervous and excited to start it!

I know that this was the right decision for me and my son.

So keep a look out for a Christmas blog in the next day or so!

Thanks for reading/checking in! ❤️

Admire

You ever just stare?

Stare at the one you love and question, “why the hell does he love me?”

You stare and just admire all the little things he does.

The way he smiles, his deep laugh he lets out during funny parts of movies, or when you see him kind of glance over for the slightest second…

Your heart melts.

It pounds so fast because all you can do is admire him.

You think about your future together.

You think to yourself about how you can’t wait til he asks you to be his wife.

Or how much in a rush you are to have a kid already.

Because it all feels so right.

You feel all of this with just a simple look at him.

It’s perfect.

You ever just catch yourself staring and thinking how fucking lucky you are to have him in your life?

That he’s all yours, and you want him to be yours, always, and forever..

When you stare over at him and he’s doing his usual goofy dance,

And you can’t help but giggle at how silly he is.

When we’re doing our own thing together and I look and stare at you,

And there you are, playing your video game.

God, the excitement I get when I just fucking stare at you…

As I write this blog this instant.

Honestly, I’m not great at explaining my feelings, I’m so repetitive it’s insane. It’s like I try to explain how I feel, but every time it’s the same repetitive shit I always say. And there’s just no other way of saying how I feel out in some sort of different form. Like if I could legit say how much I love this man I would. Hell, I can’t even tell him how much because, well, every time I do try, I end up saying the same damn thing. It’s like, I can think it, but I can’t explain it. If that makes any sense.?

I’m very new to this whole, being “in love” thing. I never have been, and the moment I met him I knew he was the ONE for me. I don’t even know how to explain that. I just knew it, felt it.

I’m honestly not sure what else to say. Even when I have been drinking writing is still tough. Haha.

Thanks for reading guys. ❤️

Anxiety

You ever just sit alone.

And you start to think?

Think about anything and everything?

It consumes you and you have no control over it..

You try to push all those thoughts back, but they just won’t go away.

It eats away at you.

You feel emotional.

Sad.

On the verge of crying.

You force yourself to stop though.

The emotions you’re feeling are pointless.

There’s no need.

But you still let it eat away at you.

Sometimes I get real in my head. This is an unfinished blog that I had started a couple months ago. I never finished. I still get in my head so bad. I hate it. I have trouble trying to talk myself out of bad thoughts. Sometimes I end up crying from how bad my thoughts are. One day someone said it sounds like you deal with anxiety. I hadn’t heard someone tell me I had anxiety since I was in 8th grade. The minute I realized it I stopped the thoughts.

But, I have my days still. It hasn’t been as bad, but I still have those days.

Hope you enjoyed reading this. ❤️