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Sometimes,

I get into my head real bad.

My mood completely changes.

I, as a person change.

I say who I truly am, but,

when I overthink and stress,

I’m not who I say I am.

No one seems to really understand that.

I can’t help it.

Even when I try to fight it, it only seems to make it worse.

I shut down.

I build walls all around me to try and block everyone out.

It’s hard though.

When someone is around, and you have to try to pretend like you’re okay, when in all honesty, you’re stressed, overthinking, and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I try so hard to hide it and keep to myself.

But, damn..when I do it, I end up flipping or getting emotional.

I let everything build up and or get to me that it changes me.

I’m not me.

This is unfinished. I’ve been so tired and busy lately that I just haven’t had the time to focus on writing. Soon though I’ll get back at it. ❤️

Merry Christmas

Vincent getting into his presents.
Opening presents at gmas
He’s obsessed with toy story
He is one happy Vinnie. ❤️
Over at the boyfriends house, well it’s our friend Sarah’s, but he currently lives there.
Blayde!
Dj!
Just chillin’
Ella my little sister
The boyfriend ❤️
My dad is rude.
Aunt Rhonda

❤️💜

Admire

You ever just stare?

Stare at the one you love and question, “why the hell does he love me?”

You stare and just admire all the little things he does.

The way he smiles, his deep laugh he lets out during funny parts of movies, or when you see him kind of glance over for the slightest second…

Your heart melts.

It pounds so fast because all you can do is admire him.

You think about your future together.

You think to yourself about how you can’t wait til he asks you to be his wife.

Or how much in a rush you are to have a kid already.

Because it all feels so right.

You feel all of this with just a simple look at him.

It’s perfect.

You ever just catch yourself staring and thinking how fucking lucky you are to have him in your life?

That he’s all yours, and you want him to be yours, always, and forever..

When you stare over at him and he’s doing his usual goofy dance,

And you can’t help but giggle at how silly he is.

When we’re doing our own thing together and I look and stare at you,

And there you are, playing your video game.

God, the excitement I get when I just fucking stare at you…

As I write this blog this instant.

Honestly, I’m not great at explaining my feelings, I’m so repetitive it’s insane. It’s like I try to explain how I feel, but every time it’s the same repetitive shit I always say. And there’s just no other way of saying how I feel out in some sort of different form. Like if I could legit say how much I love this man I would. Hell, I can’t even tell him how much because, well, every time I do try, I end up saying the same damn thing. It’s like, I can think it, but I can’t explain it. If that makes any sense.?

I’m very new to this whole, being “in love” thing. I never have been, and the moment I met him I knew he was the ONE for me. I don’t even know how to explain that. I just knew it, felt it.

I’m honestly not sure what else to say. Even when I have been drinking writing is still tough. Haha.

Thanks for reading guys. ❤️

Overthinker

Drinking away,

Kind of starting to feel the alcohol.

And all I do is think.

Sometimes maybe even overthink?

Overthink for no reason.

Like everything just all hits at once,

And it’s like what the fuck?!

I think of one thing, and move on to the next.

It’s an endless line of things running through my head.

I try to block away all the negative things, but it all just comes crashing back to me.

So I think until I overthink, to the point that I’m worried.

It’s like, my mind is playing games on me…making me overthink things when I shouldn’t..

Alright, I am for sure an over thinker. I always have been. Sometimes I just catch myself overthinking. Constantly, just thinking of anything and everything. I guess it goes along with anxiety.

Yet again, another unfinished blog that I had started I think back in September?

My overthinking has been a lot better. Yes, it’s still here and there. I try hard to talk myself out of overthinking. It’s hard but I’m trying.

Thanks for reading.❤️

Anxiety

You ever just sit alone.

And you start to think?

Think about anything and everything?

It consumes you and you have no control over it..

You try to push all those thoughts back, but they just won’t go away.

It eats away at you.

You feel emotional.

Sad.

On the verge of crying.

You force yourself to stop though.

The emotions you’re feeling are pointless.

There’s no need.

But you still let it eat away at you.

Sometimes I get real in my head. This is an unfinished blog that I had started a couple months ago. I never finished. I still get in my head so bad. I hate it. I have trouble trying to talk myself out of bad thoughts. Sometimes I end up crying from how bad my thoughts are. One day someone said it sounds like you deal with anxiety. I hadn’t heard someone tell me I had anxiety since I was in 8th grade. The minute I realized it I stopped the thoughts.

But, I have my days still. It hasn’t been as bad, but I still have those days.

Hope you enjoyed reading this. ❤️

2 months

2 months already.

Where do I start?

You’ve amazed me.

You have literally made this cold soul alive again.

I’ve never been truly happy.

Until you came into my life.

Well, other than my son of course.

You’ve showed me how to live again.

I had given up. I was done.

I wanted to be alone.

You changed that.

Now, I wake up everyday, happy, knowing that I have you in my life.

I know you’re my other half, my soulmate.

Ha, I know I’ve told you that repeatedly.

But it’s true.

I feel complete with you in my life.

I’m sure me always repeating myself gets annoying or old.

Maybe, I’m just that happy or excited that I feel the need to always be repetitive?.

I know I can be a handful sometimes, hell maybe it’s all the time.

You’re still there by my side.

I promise, I’ll never leave your side, I will always work with you through the tough times, I will always try my best to keep you happy, even though you tell me I don’t have to try. (Haha.) You’re the one. Forever & Always. ❤️

Thanks you guys for reading my sappy/cheesy blog. 🙂

Ryan, I love you so much, always. I pinky promise, to always be by your side. ❤️