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Sometimes,

I get into my head real bad.

My mood completely changes.

I, as a person change.

I say who I truly am, but,

when I overthink and stress,

I’m not who I say I am.

No one seems to really understand that.

I can’t help it.

Even when I try to fight it, it only seems to make it worse.

I shut down.

I build walls all around me to try and block everyone out.

It’s hard though.

When someone is around, and you have to try to pretend like you’re okay, when in all honesty, you’re stressed, overthinking, and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I try so hard to hide it and keep to myself.

But, damn..when I do it, I end up flipping or getting emotional.

I let everything build up and or get to me that it changes me.

I’m not me.

This is unfinished. I’ve been so tired and busy lately that I just haven’t had the time to focus on writing. Soon though I’ll get back at it. ❤️

Overthinker

Drinking away,

Kind of starting to feel the alcohol.

And all I do is think.

Sometimes maybe even overthink?

Overthink for no reason.

Like everything just all hits at once,

And it’s like what the fuck?!

I think of one thing, and move on to the next.

It’s an endless line of things running through my head.

I try to block away all the negative things, but it all just comes crashing back to me.

So I think until I overthink, to the point that I’m worried.

It’s like, my mind is playing games on me…making me overthink things when I shouldn’t..

Alright, I am for sure an over thinker. I always have been. Sometimes I just catch myself overthinking. Constantly, just thinking of anything and everything. I guess it goes along with anxiety.

Yet again, another unfinished blog that I had started I think back in September?

My overthinking has been a lot better. Yes, it’s still here and there. I try hard to talk myself out of overthinking. It’s hard but I’m trying.

Thanks for reading.❤️

Anxiety

You ever just sit alone.

And you start to think?

Think about anything and everything?

It consumes you and you have no control over it..

You try to push all those thoughts back, but they just won’t go away.

It eats away at you.

You feel emotional.

Sad.

On the verge of crying.

You force yourself to stop though.

The emotions you’re feeling are pointless.

There’s no need.

But you still let it eat away at you.

Sometimes I get real in my head. This is an unfinished blog that I had started a couple months ago. I never finished. I still get in my head so bad. I hate it. I have trouble trying to talk myself out of bad thoughts. Sometimes I end up crying from how bad my thoughts are. One day someone said it sounds like you deal with anxiety. I hadn’t heard someone tell me I had anxiety since I was in 8th grade. The minute I realized it I stopped the thoughts.

But, I have my days still. It hasn’t been as bad, but I still have those days.

Hope you enjoyed reading this. ❤️

Nerves

Have you ever felt so sick,

Sick to the point that you can’t eat?

You feel this pressure in your chest

And feel the sickness slowly coming up.

You get shaky,

Your heart is pounding so hard and fast, but you have no idea how to make it stop?

You try to eat,

But it only makes you feel even more sick?

The stress, nerves, depression, start to kick in all over again.

It takes days to finally calm down…

That feeling no longer there,

The happiness slowly creeps back in,

The stress you were having starts to make its way out of you.

Your heart slows down,

Back to its normal pace,

Beating its normal rhythm it once had done before.

Thanks for reading.❤️

Do you ever..

Wake up in the morning and just lay there looking up at the ceiling?

You just keep staring and thinking.

Thinking about your life,

Wondering what things would be like if you did something different?

Do you procrastinate so you don’t have to get up and out of bed to start your day?

You just keep laying there looking around.

You repeatedly ask yourself what’re you doing with your life?

I want more in life than just this.

Waking up, going to the same lame job I always do.

There’s only one thing that makes me happy to even go to work. The only reason I enjoy it.

I feel like I’m wasting away.

Looking up at the ceiling thinking, “Damn, I need to make some coffee.”

Thanks for reading.❤️

Let’s try to write a happy blog…

Good evening! Hello, to all my lovely readers. So I decided to ask a friend what I should write about? To basically give me an idea on what I should write. Well, he told me instead of writing a depressing one, what about a happy one? Well…here I am..ready to write a happy blog. Let’s begin shall we?

Oh jeez, what is something that has made me happy lately? Well, Vincent’s dad bought a house in Jackson. That’s a plus. I really want Vincent to go to school in Jackson and finally!…he’ll be going there. I am super stoked!

Hrm…what else has made me happy? My son for sure. He always makes me happy. Seeing him makes me happy. Spending all my time with him makes me happy. I wish I saw him every week. Of course though, his dad and I do 50/50. So every other week for us it is. Seeing him grow makes me happy as well. He’s so smart for his age, and he’s starting to become independent…come on child you’re only two calm down!

Wine….wine makes me happy.

Honestly, lately, I’ve been pretty annoyed by friends and family. I don’t know what it is. It’s like, leave me the fuck alone. I want to be lonely and drink my wine. Watch my anime as well in peace. There’s only been ONE person that I have honestly loved talking too..maybe too much. (Vinnie does not count, I’m never annoyed by him, unless he’s being a butthead). So, uh yeah, it’s strange, but, pretty awesome…

That’s about all I got for right now, enjoy this short read guys!

Thanks for reading. ❤️

Enjoy this video of us at the farmers market. 😊

Drunken thoughts on being alone

Holy shit….

I’m single,

Finally, by myself once again

Honestly, it’s amazing!

I found myself unhappy during this relationship..

Why?

I was no where near ready for one.

I honestly let the things he said crawl into my head and convince me that I could try and see how things would go.

I just wanted to be alone.

Be alone, focus on me, my son, our life

I enjoy being alone,

I don’t have someone up my ass 24/7

Telling me what I can and can’t do.

I feel free.

Honestly, my relationship before that,

Just really fucked with my head,

The fear of someone appearing into my life and my sons life,

And out of nowhere just fades away…scares me..

It’s better this way, to wait, to focus on myself and my son,

I can do better,

I can find better,

Someone who will want to be with me and my son,

Love both of us,

As of right now though?

It’s me and my son against the world.

Thanks for reading. ❤️