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Life as a single mom

Are you a single mom? Does it bother you to be a single mom? Well, it shouldn’t! Even if shit gets hard you just tough it up and be the greatest mom you can be. That right there is me. I’m a struggling single mom. Yes, I was in a 6 month relationship, but he wasn’t ready to be a stepfather. He also in all honesty, realized that he couldn’t accept a kid that wasn’t his. Which has seriously fucked with my head if I’m being quite honest. Why waste 6 months of my life to just dump me because you realized that you couldn’t handle a package deal? It is, what it is and in my heart I know that it is better that we are no longer together. My son comes first, no matter what.

When the relationship ended I realized that it was time for me to just stay on my own. To focus on my son and myself are my two top priorities. Now, am I the perfect mother? Well, no. Honestly, I’ve had my fair share of rebounds, and even catch myself interested in one of them. He wasn’t a rebound though, just someone I liked, and well things happen. I’m only human, and sex is natural, shit happens. But, yes we have continued to talk and see where things go. No we are not a couple, but we have told each other that we’d like to see where things go in the next few months. Because honestly, I can’t be 100% committed just yet, it’s like I still need time. However, he has met Vincent and he really likes him. Before anyone judges, we act like friends in front of him, nothing else.

So, I’m a single mom who is slowly talking to someone and taking care of my son. I’m also struggling like crazy due to money issues, but my friend does help me and so has my family. It means the world to me, but at the same time I hate it because I literally hate asking anyone to help me out. I am very much thankful though. Things are finally looking up as I finally got offered a full time job! Hopefully, this rut that I’m in will get better now! I have a part time retail job, but it doesn’t pay the bills and I only work like two days a week. I don’t make shit to be quite honest, so I’ve been on top of finding a full time job. I finally had some good luck and I’m thankful for that as well.

I don’t ask anyone to help me with my son. Like, I don’t ask my parents to watch him on my time because I want all that time for myself. Yes, he see’s his family, but I’m always there. I try to teach him, and feed him good. I always interact with him, unless he gets mad because he wants to be independent and play on his own. Breaks my heart when he does that. I try to take him anywhere and everywhere to get out of the house. Sometimes though, we’ll just stay at home and I steal all the cuddles I can from him. This every other week thing sucks. I always miss him within a couple days, sometimes less. I wish I could have him every week.

Now, I can’t remember if I explained why the visitations are like that. His father wanted the visitations like that due to him wanting time to himself. I tried to offer other visitations, but he wouldn’t work with me on that. So to avoid conflict I just agreed. We have decided that we will go to mediation or possibly court at some point though. Just so that we have our agreements on paper. It sucks, but that’s how shit goes down sometimes. If the time comes and I’m able to change the visitations than I will, because I would love for Vincent to see both of us every week instead of seeing one of us every other week.

Moving on from that, it has been hard being a single mom. I don’t ask his father to help me nor do I expect money from him either. I take care of everything on my side when I have him. If I had to describe my life as a movie I would choose the movie Bad Moms. I’m seriously Mila Kunis’s character in that movie. Watch that movie and you’ll understand what I mean. I’m always on the run, I cry all the time, I try to give Vincent good meals, I try my best to give him the best and show him the best I can be. It is definitely hard. It’s also worth it though, just to see my son happy and healthy.

I love my son to death, and I love being his mother. ❤

Thanks for reading.

On a side note, the part about the visitations and his father aren’t meant to attack him in any certain way. So please don’t take it that way. 🙂

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Thoughts on a drunken walk alone

Do you ever feel lonely?

Walking by yourself and you’re fucking drunk to be quite honest

You’re shit faced,

Walking by yourself in the dark,

And you have absolutely nobody..

Do you ever feel that the guy you still love, I don’t know,

Maybe he’s completely over you already?

Or maybe it’s just the alcohol?

Do you ever feel like you’re fucking alone?

Yeah, I mean, I got my son, he’s all I need.

But..shit, shits been hard,

You stay to yourself.

I still love you, but does he still love me?..

Fucking shit faced and you don’t remember a god damn thing you said tonight.

What the fuck, who do I call?

4:30 in the mother fucking morning and I’m sitting in my car

I think, ” why not making a fucking blog?”

Life’s not fucking perfect, life’s hard, but it will get better…

I can’t lie, I got fucking trashed last night, I repeatedly called one of my friends and I pissed him off. I have no clue what I said or if from repeatedly calling just pissed him off. I mean come on I was trashed..I’ve dealt with friends like that and yeah it sucks. I have no memory of what I even said, other than asking for a fucking ride maybe? Other than that, I’m lost. I called my ex as well repeatedly, and my roommate. They both understood. Thank god. Life is messy. Sometimes we humans get messy too. But don’t beat yourself up, you’re only human. For the record I NEVER get trashed. Last night though, I just let loose. For my ex we did see each other for the first time in almost two months since the breakup. We talked, laughed, and smiled. But in my heart I know this is the best for us. For my roommate, she made me bacon.

Thanks for reading.❤️

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New make up goods

Hello, all my lovely readers! Today I will be writing a short blog about a few make up products I bought while I was on my trip. Enjoy!

 

Hourglass stick foundation:

The minute I saw that the Sephora had Hourglass products I almost died. I instantly had to have this. I’ve used it about three times already, and what do I have to say about this? Well, I fucking love it. It’s more coverage than what I am use too, but it feels like there is nothing on my skin. It doesn’t look cakey, and it looks good throughout the day! I would say the color match is pretty spot on as well. The color I’m using is ivory. I definitely recommend getting your hands on this!

NARS Laguna bronzer:

Just your typical bronzer. I love Nars products, and I love how simple the packaging is. There’s not much to say other than I love how the color looks on my skin. ❤️

MILK Longwear gel eyeliner in CEO:

This is just a nice dark brown eyeliner. I’ve used it once, and I will say it dries very fast. So you have to work fast with it if you’re trying to drag it to make a wing with it. I do love the color and it lasts all day. I still need to try it a few more times and see if I like it or not. I’m trying to master this makeup look by Claire Marshall on YouTube. She’s amazing, idk how she was able to make it work with her but I tried to and it did not work for me! But I may just need a little more practice moving fast and making that perfect wing since I’m use to liquid eyeliner!

Alright, that is all for now! I hope you enjoy this short blog. ❤️

#Momlife5; the many words of Vincent

Mamamamamamamama

It’s HOT!(he says this all the time)

It hurts…(he says this all the time now, just to say it)

This!

Cookie

Cracker

Pwease?

Bleh, bleh, bleh!

I didn’t do it!

Doggy!

Dragon

Daddy

Who’s that?

Buzz!

Mommy!

Sassy!

Juice

Drink

He’s been getting better with words, I’m pretty proud of him. He’s said things before that were very slurred together, you just have to listen very closely to him. It’s definitely hard teaching him to speak with words because most of the time he just wants to reply with ehhhhhhh. As he proceeds to throw a dramatic fit.

I always make him use words and try to mock me. He’s been doing good. He just recently started saying, “it hurts.”I’m pretty sure he said it because he did something to me and I said “ouch, it hurts baby.” So he automatically mocked me after that and hasn’t stopped.

Not only is he talking more, but he is ungodly smart. He learns fast. For example: he can throw his trash away, put away his dishes in the sink, pick up his toys, he helps me make chili (seriously, the second time he helped me he remembered what to do!), and so much more!

Now, when it comes to listening to the word NO, that’s a no go. I hate raising my voice to him, I truly do. Lately I have had to though. I always explain why I’m mad and tell him I love him, but when I say no, I mean no. He tests me on a lot of stuff as well. It’s okay though, he’s still learning.

Mommy loves you so much.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

30 things I dislike

1. Tofu (the texture is weird to me)

2. Spring rolls (yet again, the texture is weird to me)

3. Spiders

4. Liars

5. Rumors

6. People who are judge mental as shit

7. Flossing ( I floss, not as much as I should, but I hate it)

8. Dry wine (I love a semi sweet wine)

9. Beer (no matter what kind I have tried I always end up feeling sick, I’ll stick to wine, apple cider, and liquor)

10. A messy house (sometimes I’m a clean freak)

11. Smelling like cigarette smoke

12. Cheaters

13. Heights

14. Any type of orange or grape candy

15. Thieves

16. Someone who can’t trust

17. People who are clingy as shit

18. Racists

19. When there’s too many pillows

20. When I can’t sleep

21. Yelling at my son (but hell, when he does something bad and nothing else works the mom voice comes in)

22. Black coffee (has to have some sort of flavor)

23. Being broke

24. Being stressed

25. I dislike that I deal with depression here and there.

26. Where I live

27. Vodka

28. The color pink

29. Bills (adulting sucks)

30. Arguing. (I have a short temper, I always have since I was little, I went to counseling for it and then my counselor told my mom everything I was saying after she told me she wouldn’t. My temper just got worse and worse, and I kept dating shitty guys, as of last year I’ve refused to have screaming/cussing matches with anyone date because it doesn’t solve shit, don’t get me wrong every relationship has its arguments, you just need to choose when to walk away and choose what you’re saying.)

Thanks for reading. ❤️

#Skateboarding

Good morning! I’m just enjoying some coffee and thought, “oh shit, it’s been a couple days since I’ve wrote a blog!” So here I am. I thought I would just talk about skating. So here it goes…

Well, I’ve been skateboarding since I was in 8th grade. I just thought it was the coolest thing ever, honestly! Where I live girls don’t really do that ya know? I wanted to be different and show that girls can do that! Still to this day a lot of girls don’t, they’ll longboard but won’t hop on an actual skateboard.

My buddies taught me. Taught me balance, speed, shoes to wear, etc. When I was in 8th grade I he no fear. Other than dropping in from a ramp that shit is scary! But, I did a lot of street skating, which to me is honestly the best. I love it, I feel free and just love looking around and being in my own world when I skate.

As I started to get older, I kind of just stopped. I didn’t learn to much, but I was able to Ollie, almost kickflip, pop shove it, and I did a morning star. As I got older though I just stopped. I didn’t have the time, and a lot of my friends stopped as well. I mean hell, we all kinda grew up.

When I started to get back into it, I found out I was pregnant. So I quit altogether again. Once I had him I never had any free time to myself. I was always busy taking care of him and taking care of the house. No free time whatsoever. A year later, I ended it with his father. I started to finally have free time, to do whatever I wanted. I love my son to death, but we all need time to ourselves to stay sane. I picked back up on skateboarding because I could finally ride again.

I’m no where as good as I use to be. I’m trying real hard though to get better. My son has shown interest in skateboarding, and I would love for him to get into it. I feel like if I get better at this, I can teach him! And any friends that want to help can! So I’ve been pushing myself to learn again. I’m also facing my fear of dropping in. Let me tell you I busted ass! Arm hurts like crazy and my leg, but hell I have to learn. I have to get myself back into it, more like I want to get back into it!

Skateboarding is just something I’ve always loved. And I still do. I’ve also reconnected with old friends, or met new people at the skate park. It’s pretty cool, they’re all pretty helpful as well when it comes to any questions I have.

This time, I won’t quit.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

(Old photo of me, but it’s a day where I went skateboarding downtown at the river) I just pop in some tunes and go, full face of makeup not the smartest thing when you go skateboarding. 😅

50 things about me:

1. My middle name is Amber.

2. My nickname is Viki, (it’s also spelled like that).

3. My favorite soda is Coca Cola.

4. I love to skateboard.

5. I took two different English classes in one year when I was in high-school.

6. I love medium roast coffee.

7. I have five tattoos. (Planning to get more as well).

8. My ears use to be gauged.

9. I have a cat named Meowmeow.

10. My favorite cartoon is Regular show.

11. I love sushi.

12. I can do a few voices. Example: Yoshi, Mickey Mouse laugh, Stitch and more.

13. I’m pretty laid back.

14. Beer makes me sick, so I don’t drink it.

15. I went to Esthetics school, and dropped it due to a teacher.

16. I burp like a guy.

17. I bullshit wayyyyy too much for my own good.

18. I can be shy.

19. I use to draw a lot and paint.

20. Twizzlers and peanut m&ms are my favorite candy.

21. Favorite ice cream would have to be Ben&Jerrys milk and cookies or chunky monkey.

22. I love video games.

23. Legend of Zelda twilight princess is my favorite video game.

24. I sometimes have a short temper, but have learned to control it more.

25. I’m kind of a loner.

26. I can be a clean freak.

27. Black is my favorite color.

28. Sweet wine all the way.

29. Favorite actor would have to be Dylan O’Brian or Leonardo Decaprio.

30. Favorite genre of movies would be horror and comedy.

31. I can’t swim.

32. My favorite season is Autumn.

33. I cuss a lot.

34. I use to have both sides of my nose Pierced.

35. I’m terrified of spiders and heights.

36. I like to think I’m pretty descent at darts.

37. I have a 9 year old sister.

38. Most of my friends are guys.

39. I love anime.

40. I’m a hopeless romantic.

41. I snore in my sleep.

42. I typically don’t dream, I usually only have nightmares.

43. Peppermint mocha coffee is my favorite during the holiday seasons.

44. Sometimes I can be a little to blunt.

45. I love to cuddle.

46. Favorite actress is Mika Kunis.

47. Favorite Disney movie would have to be either Thumbelina or Treasure Planet.

48. I love Halloween.

49. I have a two year old son, his name is Vincent.

50. I’m 26 years old.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

I’m not ready…

I’m not ready to be committed into a relationship.

I can’t seem to get myself 100% interested into someone.

I’m not fully myself just yet.

Honestly, I’m not sure when I will be myself.

I can’t give my all to someone.

It could be months, or even years.

I catch myself interested, but not fully able to give myself to someone.

Not just yet.

I have too much going on.

I feel the need to focus on me and my son.

The stress I deal with on a daily eats me alive and I just can’t be myself.

I shut down, I hide how I’m feeling or what I’m even dealing with.

I drink on my week alone.

Alone at home.

With only my thoughts, overthinking everything.

I’m just not ready.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

It’s never too early for Halloween, right?

Good morning! I’m going to show you guys some pictures of Halloween prosthetics that I’ve done! All I used in these were fake blood, gel blood, tissue paper or cotton balls/pads, q-tips, make up, and latex. Enjoy!

This was a glam/horror kinda look. (Looking at these make me miss my gauges so much!)

My first attempt at making a Chelsea grin, definitely not the best, but I was still pretty proud of it. Hoping to recreate this, this Halloween.

This by far has been my most proudest. It was my second attempt at making this! I’ll more than likely recreate this again as well!

Alright, that is all guys! Hopefully this Halloween I can make more looks and recreate some! It’s never too early for Halloween, am I right?

Thanks for reading. ❤️